What if I let my guard down while at work, what if I don't try to just make it a job and actually let myself go through the ebb and flow of emotions that my job creates?
What is if I gave myself permission to not care at times and to do whatever I want to do? What if I stopped thinking "people don't think I work hard enough?" What if I let go of the (my) perception that people are thinking less of me?
What if....?
I realize that everyone works differently in the social work/therapy world and I realize that we all measure ourselves on our own scales. We may measure ourselves on an institutional scale, systems scale or personal scale AND we all do it whether we realize it or not.
I'm learning...really learning that my value is not in this present work. I'm valuable as a person whether my work (or my perception) views it as exceptional or just at par. I know I'm hard on myself because I know my thoughts. I read...I know the profession, I know my role but what I don't know from not being a seasoned NICU social worker is how to let the seasons flow and to acknowledge that today I just don't have it going on. Tomorrow maybe I will.
Balance is real but it's picture for each life is sooooooo different. I tell my NICU moms, begin to create a balance that works for you and don't compare your NICU experience to that of another mom's story. It is uniquely yours and will be determined by many things. Huh, funny how much I can relate to this truth...my work is uniquely mine, not to be compared with another's work. Yes I can critique whether I did the most beneficial intervention or whether I have a "do-differently". But it's still unique.
Home balance - I will forever be working on this one and I'm at a place of acceptance. Some days, weeks are better than others. Housing another family shifts the dynamic and creates a lot of fun and a lot of work and a lot of variables."It is what it is." Personally, in my Christian walk with my family and my relationship with myself, my husband and Christ...It's ok not to be ok. I'm human.
Hopefully someone can benefit from these thoughts.
